


Everyone Deserves Love

by loverurself



Category: asexual - Fandom, demisexual - Fandom
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexuality, F/M, Falling In Love, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:17:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9462740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverurself/pseuds/loverurself
Summary: Since accepting my asexuality, I have come to understand that I can still be loved and have quality relationships. This is me processing that fact, and thinking through one of the infinite possibilities of how the subject may be broached with a S/O.





	

Our bodies are pressed together as the make-out-fest continues on the couch. Somewhere during A New Hope, my lips found his and the movie slowly became less and less of a concern. My mind wanders to the sounds of the trash compactor closing in the midst of Chewbacca’s voice, but as my face starts to turn, it is quickly recaptured as he turns us so that his body is on top of mine, the springs of the couch digging into my back.

It isn’t until his leg is between mine, our hips flush and moving against each other, that it hits me.

“Stop,” is barely a breath between our lips. I start pushing myself off the edge of the couch and he pull himself backwards to let me escape.

Pacing isn’t typically the way I cope, preferring utter stillness while trying to calm my anxiety, but I can’t stop as he watches me, waiting patiently while knowing I will speak when I find the words. There all here at once, I’m trying to sort through them and when I find the one I want to start with, the rest slide away. Damn it, I wish I had a pen or keyboard in front of me, not this man who needs me to speak rather than write.

“I’m trying really hard to be patient, but it is getting as thin as you are wearing the carpet,” his tone is playful but he can’t hide the worry in his eyes. Deep breath.

“I didn’t know where the line was before. But I found it. And we left it back there,” I point at the end of the couch he vacated. “And I know that's not really a line that most people recognize, but to me it’s significant.” He draws a breath to interject, but I stop my steps and look into his eyes, knowing what he is about to say. That he respected that line, now that we found it, and it wouldn’t happen again until I was ready. He lowers his hand again and waits for me to continue. “I know our lines are different. I know you wouldn’t have if there was any possible way for you to have known. That you respect me and want to talk this out so that I’m comfortable. But that's the thing. Something I should have told you before, but you are always so go to me and I thought I would ruin any chance of you in my life.”

It is all I can do to keep breathing, his eyes growing bigger as I talk.

“Babe,” his voice is utterly calm, the lines around his eyes and lips playing with his shoulders to portray the worry building in him, “I love you. Something from your past is not going to change that. You know what kind of hell I had in my past before I met God, who led me to you. You accept me for who I am now. I will offer you nothing less. Please, take a breath, sit, talk to me.” His hand is out, asking me to take it. Hesitant, I give his fingers a squeeze as I pass to sit on the other side of the couch, legs tucked up, back resting against the arm so I face him. He loves me…

“I’m demisexual. Asexual. Not aromantic, obviously, but closer to demi then fully,” My words tumble out faster and faster, “It's not that I would never have sex, I just, the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t know where that starts, I’m fine with kissing. But when things progressed….” His face is now blank. “That's something that I know I only want to share with one person. Ever. I know for most that's not even a monument in the progress of their physical relationship, but for me its the flood gate. It feels like it could be the flood gate. The thought of sex may make me feel uncomfortable, and I’m not taking it off the table, but I don’t want it to be on the table at the beginning of a relationship. I want it to be something that comes later. Me being demisexual means that I fall in love with their people for their personality, their character, not their body. No matter how good they look.” And damn, he looks fantastic, and what I’ve felt through his shirt….

“I guess my point is that I love you too. That I’m choosing to say it knowing that this could be the tipping point for our relationship to either side. That when I think of spending the rest of my life with you, I can’t help but smile. And that for you, with you, I would be willing to try and do many things I never would have ever thought to consider.” I close my eyes and bury my head in my arms as the first tear slides down my cheek.

The couch groans as he stand up and sits down again, practically on my toes. A broken sob breaks from my throat as his arms wrap around me and he kissed the top of my head, the only part exposed to him. He begins tracing circles on my back with his palm, his tone distant, “I know that you have shared the difficult parts of your past with me, and in return I opened up to you. I’ve told you how I’ve been with more people than I care to count and that it is through the grace of God alone that I am here today. Here, knowing that I am save. Here, loving you.”

His chest vibrates as he chuckles, and I look up needing to see the smile that goes with it. “Babe, I’m demisexual. There is a reason I was only ever with my friends. People I thought were my friends. I thought that the only way to demonstrate my love for them was through that type of sacrifice. God knows I know better now. I don’t care if I never touch you again, all I need is you in my life.”

As if to follow through on this promise, he starts to pull back. My growl is enough to make him pause. “Don’t you dare.” His laugh vibrates through me once more.

I look up at him fully, into his steady eyes that are already on me when I look. Releasing my legs, I turn to bury myself in his side for a moment, breathing his scent in deeply. “You can bet your ass that if you want to stick around, you better be willing to cuddle.”

“Ready and willing.”

We sit in a comfortable silence, absorbing everything that we have shared with one another. I chuckle, “I love you. Some how I pictured my first time telling a man I loved him differently.”

“Were you wearing a corset, I breeches and riding boots?” The mischief in his eyes is back full force and his crooked grin making my heart flutter.

“Do not mock my love of Elizabeth Bennett, Tessa Grey, or being courted by a gentleman.”

“I can’t help but laugh when I ended up being the one lucky enough to have you.” My eyebrow raises in silent question, have me? His only response whispers of kisses on the corners of my mouth. I beg for more, pulling at his lip with my teeth in a hunger I haven’t shown before. I feel the heat pool in me, and the bulge I can now feel beneath my leg tells me that I need to finish this conversation.

“I don’t want to be alone. I want to lay down with someone at night and wake up with them every morning. I want to share my thoughts and feelings with them. I want someone to tell me that I’ll be okay and hold me when I am down. I want someone that will let me be strong for them. I want someone to be the third set of footprints. When I look down and see 2 sets of footprints in the sand, I want to know that one is God’s as he carries me and the other is the one who chooses me each and every day as he walks with us and holds my hand. And I want him to want this too. Not in these words, but in his own way. I want us to grow together in faith, and physically. I want this, but I want who God wants for me, even if it means waiting 20 years like Isaac did for his sons.” 

“Then lets pray. Let’s see if I am the man God wants for you. Because I want you. I want to share this life with you while worshiping Him. I want to experience the good and the bad, all by your side. I want to hold you and give you everything you want. And hold back everything that you don’t.”

“I want to experience it with you. Piece by piece. I want to let you do anything you want to me. And I want to watch your face, your eyes, as I do everything I can to please you.” I can feel my face getting red, the more I say. “I want to explore myself, my limits, with you. And I want to explore you. I want to explore the world, do good, share the Word, all with you by my side.”

His breathing is nearly as ragged as mine. I can’t tell if my heart is racing from joy or anxiety. Possibly both.

“If I had a ring,” the breath of his hushed voice caressed my cheek, “I’d propose to you right now. And by your own courtship standards, you would be mine. And I would give you everything I possibly could by the goodness of God.”

“As hard as it would be for me, I would have to decline.”

“Trying to play hard to get, Ms. Bennett?”

“Have you asked my dad? Not to mention that this is the first time that we have ever talked about our future together, or getting married. Or shared these things about ourselves with each other. Are you sure you could not only put up with me and my attitude for the rest of your life, but my family? Or going the next 60 years without physically being with a woman?”

“I would go an eternity without so much as looking at anyone, if it meant you by my side.” My core warmed and my cheeks flamed to match the growing heat. That dummy didn’t miss any of it.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone reads this.... Please comment! This is the first writing of mine that I have ever shared, and all comments/constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!


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